My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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