In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
