she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
