rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
