You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I want to have your abortion
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
