Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I didn't notice because vodka
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
