everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
