yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize