im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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