i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize