Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
