I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
