look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize