I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
