Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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