You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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