Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
