forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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