Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
