I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
