Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize