I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
