why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I want her autograph on my taint
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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