I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
