Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
