I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
