I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize