Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
