last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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