i may or may not be watching the land before time
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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