Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
