i don't like sucking hair
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
