Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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