woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
