Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize