Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
where are you?
Hypothermia
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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