so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
