i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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