I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
