Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
