she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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