We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
