Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Someone came in the potted fern
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
