I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I think I died a long time ago.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
