who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
