Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
