just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Randomize
