once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Is Oprah even human
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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