I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
he thought i was a dude.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
