i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize