You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
