Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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