I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
