four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
