hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
