So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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