i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Randomize