Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Those nachos came to me in a dream
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
