Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
