You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
