There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
