I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
