i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
