she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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