there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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