This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
