I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
