Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
