Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
