Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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