my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
We got so high we made milksteak
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
