omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
