the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
