A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Randomize
