i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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