Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
