Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
