Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
