i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
