bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
