Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
is that a dick in a sweater?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
