Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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