My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize