Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
