Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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