So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
