Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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