pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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