so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm getting married
To pizza
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