Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I wear drunk well.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
