Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
