dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
