we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We need a shit load of segways right now
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
