the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
