Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
