I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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