Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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