I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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